


Hands held higher

by JealousJelly



Series: Hands Held Higher Series [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Bands, Cancer, Death, Emotional, Gen, Music, Sadness, Top - Freeform, bandoms - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 21:30:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7378069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JealousJelly/pseuds/JealousJelly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every day of my life he was a part of it, Tyler spent every minute with me and maybe he would spend my last with me too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hands held higher

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PoisonIvyBlossom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonIvyBlossom/gifts).



His laughter reminded me of a young child. His crying, it reminded me of an elderly woman sitting in a nursing home waiting for her grandchildren to show up, it was a broken sound. It was the sound younger people made when their dog died, or when it ran away. It was painful. Him being in this hospital room with me meant the world, he was gonna spend my last moments alive with me. He was gonna be with me until the end, like he promised. He knew it was coming, he saw it when I went into the hospital months ago, I hadn't been released yet, they were gonna leave me here to die. Slowly. His hand on mine he smiled, it was fake, but he wanted to be happy, for me. He was holding back the tears that I knew were gonna come. He was gonna let it out soon, I was gonna die soon. "Love," he spoke softly to me, "I'll be right back, I have to use the bathroom." I nodded to him as he stood up from the chair near my bed. My deathbed.

He went into the bathroom, locking the door. He started to cry, he must've been hoping I wouldn't hear him. He knew it was gonna happen soon, he felt it, as did I. It didn't scare me anymore, I've had years to prepare. I was diagnosed three years ago. It was a sad process. I had to stay in hospitals, take tests, radiation, chemo. All of that, and here I fucking am. I'm dying and every goddamn thing they did to help me failed. I guess i'm finally getting my wish though. I can finally end that and taste the sweet release of death. After all this time of pain, it can finally be over, finally. I understand that Tyler doesn't want me gone but it has to happen. It's going to no matter what. 

I just don't want to leave him behind, he's been here for me every day, by my side. I promised him I would be with him forever, but that's never going to happen. I've spent ten years with him, he's my life, he's the reason I fought, he was. I have no chance, its like getting placed in the middle of the ocean but not knowing how to swim, i'm gonna try until I can't. It's a lost cause, nothing for me to try and do anymore, other than give up and drown. I might as well die this instant, let the tumor win, die. No matter what I was gonna die. My routine for the day was the same too; wake up, eat, bathe, cry, wait for Tyler to come to the hospital, eat, talk to Tyler, eat, sleep. Soon it would be wake up, die. It would be a shorter day, a more pleasant day for me, just not for Tyler, hell, not for either of our families. 

He came out of the bathroom after five minutes of crying. His eyes looked puffy, I don't think he noticed it, but I sure as hell did. He sat back down in the chair and looked to me. He smiled again, "Josh, you know I'll always love you, right?" He spoke those words, causing me to cry, of course I did. Why wouldn't I? He was the love of my life, he was my best friend as a child and now we were here. Through all the hardship, the pain, the fighting, he was still here with me. He's dealt with me for the last twenty-eight years of my life, but we wouldn't make it to twenty-nine. He held my hand as the heart monitor beeped. 

"Of course, Ty, i'll love you too, even after i'm gone," he began to tear up, but he was fighting the tears, it was no use though. They came out, it was loud. Louder than anything I had ever heard. He grasped my hand tightly, hurting it slightly. He bends over so he can press his soft lips to my forehead. I felt a tear hit the side of my head as he kept his lips on me. 

I felt death creeping up on me that instant, it was gonna happen soon. I wanted it to happen while Tyler was here, I didn't want him to get a surprise phone call in the middle of the night telling him that I died. I wanted it to happen soon, fifteen minutes, but I couldn't decide. As he pushed himself away from my forehead I began to talk.

"Tyler, you're my world. I remember the first time we talked, we were both five and entering kindergarten. I had no friends, and neither did you. You sat at lunch alone the first day, you looked woebegone. You sat quietly, eating your food, staring down at your shoes, and I felt something for you that minute, it was a weird feeling for my five year old brain but I knew it was something. I told my mom about you, telling her that you we're very shy and quiet. She told me to talk to you the next day, which I did, but little did I know it would be the longest lasting relationship I'd ever had. When we started to drift away in middle school, and you found new friends, I was afraid of losing you. I never wanted to and I still don't. But its too late now, but i'm not losing you, you're losing me. I'll be able to watch you from wherever I go." Tears were running down his face, he looked miserable, he knew it was coming, very soon. So did I, and as he grasped my hand even harder than he had before, the heart monitor stopped.

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly hope you guys enjoyed this, this has ripped my heart and soul out. This was such a challenge writing, it was so hard, and it took up hours of my time.


End file.
